this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
