are you so shy because you have an std?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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