Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
