I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
