im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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