Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
