as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
