just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
