i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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