He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
