Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
