Swine flu. Run for my life!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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