You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
