So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize