So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
