as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
