did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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