We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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