Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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