We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
