Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
honey bunches of taint.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
