Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
