im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
