What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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