dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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