what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
