At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
