The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
