oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
