hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
