worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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