someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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