brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
