hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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