If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
