Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
