I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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