Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize