like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
