I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
her vagine was all disorganized.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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