I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
