so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just pynch a tree in the face
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
