all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize