Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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