Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
