You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
