I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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