She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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