Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
