i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
