I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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