Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
