It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
