Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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