I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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