I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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