I wish I could punch you in the face.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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