Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
