You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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