I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize