Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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