and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I will be naked everywhere
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
