you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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