He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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