You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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