I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
